Thank you, friends.

can I tell you all how much better you have made me feel?

Knowing I am not alone.
Knowing that others out there understand, and really "get" it.
Knowing that I did the right thing...being obedient, trusting my faith, and blogging about something that is so personal that I know the only way i had the strength to do it was through my Lord.

It's funny, because Sunday and I were talking about it this morning, and it truly is a light that I didn't ignore this "message" from God. See, I really wanted to write it off to, "no way, that has got to be something other than the Lord talking to me...for surely he wouldn't want to share something so personal...especially when only my family and closest friends know about this.

I thought...Why here? Why now? Why share this?
But then I realized, i might not ever get the answers to that....so i had to go with my conviction and know that there *is* a reason He wants me to share this info about my situation.

When I read all of your comments, it created a huge lump in my throat....because I never would have thought so many of us are going through this...with or without meds.

I could not believe my eyes...stunned into silence with the amount of friends i have that have this..and I cannot tell you all how much your words of support and prayer means to me.

I am so frustrated because my MS Outlook (my email program) has totally and completely crash...so I am downloading Mozilla Thunderbird at the moment...because I have not been getting emails for 4 days now............................ack.................................and there are so many of you i want to email.

Just had to stop by and share...and thank each one of you....what an incredible blessing.

Thank you.
Seriously, thank you.
x0x0x
ws

Comments

[stefanbh]

Hi to all, nice blog i just want to say hello
here!

[Jody Ferlaak]

Hi Wendi,
Just wanted you to know how much I appreciate personal stories and honesty on a blog. I find when I write about "stuff" closest to my heart I get the most response- but I also feel like I am "growing" as a person. Simply by sharing me. So, today I just wrote about the day I finally was ready to pick myself up in the middle of my grief and find some happiness- actually I was looking for what I was missing in life and decided I would try to recreate it. The story goes on...feel free to stop by and check it out- but I think what I want you to know is that God uses our weaknesses and inabilities and anxieties to help us realize that we truly NEED HIM in our lives. We need to trust Him, rest in Him and find joy & strength in Him...and the best time to do that is in the middle of our problems. Then- I think when He is there for us and meets our needs He is giving us the opportunity to tell others about His greatness. It's so simple sometimes- but it's so easy to miss the point too. Our sorrow or fears or awkwardness get in the way of telling others about our "realness". Anyway, thanks for putting yourself out there- it speaks volumes of your faith and I think it makes God smile that our problems can be the best tools for His glory. Sorry this got so long...I was just typing from the heart!

[Michele]

Wendi,

I just wanted to share my story with you, like so many others have, because I truly feel it helps when you don't feel alone.

The first time I was hit with depression...not just the blues, but actual diagnosed depression, was after a break-up with my boyfriend of 11 years after catching him cheating on me. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone, which is EXTREMELY OPPOSITE of my social butterfly personality. I didn't care about life. I checked out...stayed in bed when I could and couldn't stop crying to save my life. It was the most awful feeling I had ever experienced. I felt completely alone...even when in a room with loved ones. I finally realized that I was depressed and started seeing a councelor.

They immediately wanted to put me on medication, but I felt I would be a cop-out if I took it, so I declined. The depression got worse and worse, until finally I gave in and went on Paxil. Between the therapy and especially the Paxil, I overcame my depression and was able to get off the Paxi. I moved on with my life.

Then, about five and a half years ago, while teaching 4th grade, I had an accident at work. I severely injured several body parts, and about two months after the accident, I was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition for which there is no cure. The pain has been rated by specialists as the most painful of all pain conditions and more painful than the pain brought on by cancer. I became 100% permanently disabled. In a few seconds, I went from living the most happiest times of my life to living a nightmare. Of course, after the diagnosis and the loss of so many of my dreams, I became severely depressed. I wound up back in therapy, this time seeing a psychologist instead of a counselor, and started the merry-go-round of therapist and anti-depressants.

Now, back to the present day, I have been seeing the same psychologist for almost two years, and she is a God-send. I have also finally found the right medications and dosages for my body and my level of depression. I am by no means over the depression, and I have a lot of work I need to still do to get to a level of acceptance of what has happened to me. BUT, I have a lot of hope. I have hope that things will eventually be better, and I will eventually be happy again. I think that I will always be on anti-depressants though because the doctors feel that my brain chemistry is not dealing with Seratonin properly, and that's not something I can change without medication. So, despite the fact that I had something VERY specific start my depression, I also have the brain chemistry thing working against me.

It has been a very long journey to accepting the fact that I will most likely always have to deal with this disease of depression. I just wanted you to know that you are definitely NOT alone and that there is hope and a light at the end of the tunnel. I know more people who are ON anti-depressants than who aren't. I wouldn't be surprised if you do, too, and just don't know it.

Unfortunately, depression is still one of those "let's keep it to ourselves" type of diseases, and that works against those of us who suffer from it. I commend you for being brave enough to step out of the darkness of secrecy and share your story with your blog readers. I think that God definitely wanted you to share your story because you have the ability, through your blog, to reach out and help hundreds, if not more, people who're suffering quietly and alone. So many people who know you and who know you only through your blog, really respect you and admire you and trust you. You have the capability of influencing so many people in a good way. By you being willing to share your story, look how many people have ALREADY come out of hiding to share their stories, too. You opened the door for them by leading the way and by opening the door to a safe place to share.

I hope after reading my story and all the other wonderful stories that people shared with you that you realize depression is not something to be embarrassed or ashamed of. Your mom was right when she compared it to Diabetes. People don't feel embarrassed of having Diabetes, or Lupus, or Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, which is what I suffer from, so why should anyone feel embarrassed of the disease of depression? We shouldn't.....and you hopefully will begin to feel okay with the fact that you have this.

Also Wendi, you never know, you may not always be depressed. Just like the first time I suffered from depression after the break-up of my 11 year relationship, I didn't stay depressed. I eventually found my way back to happiness and to a life without medications. You may, too, but if you don't, that's okay, too.

Anyway, I'm sorry that I've written so much, but I just feel very strongly about this topic and felt I had something to offer to possibly help you and your readers. Hang in there, Wendi, and I will keep you in my prayers that all goes well for you. I hope that begin to feel more and more like your happy cheerful self very soon. Just remember that anti-depressants can take up to 6-8 weeks to work for a lot of people, so try not to worry if you don't feel better for awhile, okay? Take care, sweetie!! YOu have a lot of people who love you and who are cheering you on!!! Hang on to that!! God bless!!

Hugs,
Michele

[Amanda Barras]

Good for you Wendi!! The hardest part is admiting that you may have a problem. Then you can make a conscious decision not to let ANYONE steal your joy today!! ;)

Amanda Barras

[callie]

you go girl, I would like to welcome you into the land of anxiety. You'll never be lonely here. So many of us have this. Mine started when my little family moved to Oregon from California. I had never been very far away from my parents. It started when I was around 26. All the crazy things I went thru. All I could count on was that old saying. " If you think your crazy, your not". Anywho glad your working it out. I have full blown panic attacks, agoraphobia and I can't drive on the freeway. I can drive all over town like crazy though. I have trouble passing cars on the left. It has helped with therapy and I now take paxil. The only thing I am not yet able to do is drive on the freeway. I can get almost anywhere on the back roads though. I had tried many other anxiety disorder drugs but for my chemicals this one worked the best. Also I am a type two diabetic. Which doesn't help. Heck we could start our own blog just on this topic. It really helps for you to hear others stories and realize you aren't alone. Take care thanks for sharing. Thanks for letting me spew on.

[Pam Prussel]

Good for you Wendy, to deal honestly and straight on with this situation. I have dealt with anxiety since college but never really know what it was. After my 4th child I suffered Post Partum Depression. I had never experienced it with any of my other children. Of course during this time I was also faced with the loss of my brother and parents. It was just too much to handle. I believe that my prayers were answered when my doctor diagnosed my depression and put me on medication. I have been on a low dose anti-depressant/anxiety medication for seven years. I have tried to go off and I am just "not myself" when I do. It is not worth it to me to live my life without qulity just to say I don't take medication. People don't always talk about the medications they take for depression, diabetes,arthritis etc. but almost everyone takes something.
I say God has given us these medications to help us why would we not take advantage of his greatness. Your mom was so right, you need to take care of this just as you do your diabetes. You are not alone as I'm sure you are finding out through these repsonses. As a mom if they told me my child had to be on medication to feel better and it worked I would not hesitate. We need to be just as kind to ourselves. Hang in there and thanks for sharing!

[Gina]

Hi, Wendi!
I just wanted to let you know I am so glad you shared with us. I really felt as if you were speaking directly to me or about me.
I have Systemic Lupus and along with it came the depression. It goes with chronic diseases. You are my hero to be able to deal with your Diabetes,depression, run a business and take care of a family, etc, etc. I feel as if I can barely take care of myself. I'm so thankful the Lord is using you to spread his word and that you listened to him to help others.
I come to your blog for these reasons .
Please take care of yourself and make sure you find some sort of "me" time.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, Gina

[carrie]

You are an amzing person, Wendi. You have to know that the Lord is totally using you for His kingdom. The most important thing is you have been obedient to Him. Awesome.