Good (no, wonderful!) morning to you all! Hope it is going to be a great day for each of you!
So, many of you know that I am a big fan of not letting anyone steal your joy.
Which is why I reserve the right to delete rude comments from my blog.
When someone comments I am adding to the (oh yea, i'm quoting here) "Dumbing down of America", and use two aliases, I am going to delete their comments.
If they are unable to leave their real name after making such rude statements, why should I keep the rude (and oh so silly) comment up?
My real name is here...shouldn't someone that states such a thing leave it under their real name? I think so, therefore, I deleted it. Much to the dismay of the poster, who returned with another alias.
It's just silly and someone who (obviously) has a bone with me.
But won't leave their real name.
Ironic given the circumstances of my last post.
Lordy, let's move on.
So, I wanted to share something with you and ask for your prayers.
My hands...mainly, my dominant right hand. Please pray for me as I am having some pretty painful issues.
I am currently in physical therapy for some tendon issues. Oringally, and one of the reason i left WSD, was that I had rhemitoid arthritis. I was pretty much diagnosed before my blood work came back. I tested positive for this many years ago, but thought it was a fluke. I brushed it off as I did not have too many issues. I ended up having surgery on both hands, three weeks apart, for carpal tunnel. I thought it was the end of it.
I have had issues ever since. However, this past winter, the pain was beyond anything I had felt. I could feel it in the bones. That's the only way I can describe it.
It was difficult to do anything with my hands. More less, create. I think a nightmare for anyone that is an artist would be to have something effect your dominate hand. So, I laid off.
It kept getting worse and worse, to the point that I think I must have broken at least 50 plates/glasses. I was dropping everything...the grip in my right hand was going fast.
I was sent for some pretty extensive tests to see if my thumb muscle was dying.
Okay, can we just talk about this test?
I cower just writing about it!
The test is called a electromyogram. They took a needle, place it into my hand in various places. Then, they essentially "shock" the needle to measure nerve reactions.
Um, yea.
Ever hand a needle in your hand? SO HURTS.
And I'm diabetic...so I am very much used to needles.
I am seeing a doctor in Austin, who specializes in the hand. He has even treated Willie Nelson, so I feel really comfortable and trust him a lot.
I am in physical therapy for two reasons. One is for my right thumb, of which has Trigger Finger (this website really explains it and has videos. I encourage ALL CRAFTERS/ARTISTS TO LOOK AT THIS SITE...because this condition often effects hobbyists because we use so many repetitive motions). Now, because of the severity of my situation, it looks like I will be moving forward with the surgery.
My last visit at my physical therapist (if you are in Austin or surrounding area, this is THE MAN! His name is Dr. Bob Moore. INCREDIBLE.) he informed me that I should opt for the surgery at this point. My thumb on my right hand is locked...it does not extend upward anymore.
And it is very, very painful.
My elbow, which has suffered a great deal, we are still working on. I think all the overcompensating I did due to my grip, of which I only have 40% of in my right hand, effected and caused the tendon issues in my elbow.
And it is a hard thing to get rid of as well.
The physical therapy for my elbow is beyond excruciating. On thing...he takes a metal stick, that looks much like a paper scorer, and after applying a gel, he takes the metal stick and moves back and forth quickly on my front upper forearm. Um. Seriously,, the most painful thing.
Ever had something so painful it takes your breath away? Well, this is one of those things. I want to gag just thinking about it.
BUT
It is working. Before, it was so painful to even pick up a glass. And, I actually had to get rid of my SUV because i could not get the keys out of the ignition when i turned the car off.
Yes, that bad. But I did get a new car that has the "push key start"... it allows you to fire up your car's engine without the hassle of key insertion. Seriously, best thing ever. If you have these issues, i highly recommend looking into the "key fob". You get in the car, push in your "key" (of which looks nothing like a key, but more like a keychain) push the brake and push a button to start your car. LOVIN' IT! I just wish it had not come to the point of something being so bad that i could not get my keys out of the ignition.
However, God is good. I know that he is leading me through it all. I know that through this, i am learning and digesting it all.
I have spent many of days crying and asking why and how this could happen. The Lord knows I am an artist and he knows it is my passion.
So how, how could this happen? My right hand? My right arm? I need it so desperately.
Why.
Is.
This.
Happening?
I don't believe it comes from him. I just don't. I think He has led me to the absolute best doctors and I thank him with my whole heart for it.
But i need to take better care of myself. I push myself. Too much. I felt the nag of it all during WSD. But i kept pushing.
And pushing.
And pushing.
And pushing.
Until one day, i woke up with a 60% loss of my right hand.
I encourage you all to NOT do what I did.
Do not push the limit on something that could greatly effect you.
The most painful part of all of this is NOT about my artistic restrictions at this point.
It's about Tate.
One night, we were at the beach. Tate was in the bathtub and I was preparing to get him out. The bathtub was old, and to drain it, you had to push one of those bars in. I went to push it and it didn't budge. I knew it wasn't because it was all that difficult, but rather, just difficult for me.
So I asked Tate to push it in.
And he did with all his might.
And he slipped on the spout and went throat first into it.
I was HORRIFIED because I just knew, judging by the force of it, that he was really hurt.
I reached to pick him up ever so quickly.
He was wet.
He was slippery.
And he was heavy.
Too heavy for me.
I did not have the strength to pick him up.
I screamed for Mike, and he came to our rescue.
Tate had actually hit his cheek, thankfully not his throat as I originally thought. Left quite the bruise on him.
But i broke down.
My son needed me and I could not get him out.
The what if's ran over and over all night long.
It crushed me. And i knew at that point, I needed to get all the help I could...because what if Mike had NOT been there?
I shudder to think.
So i just move forward knowing that if I pray, listen and remain obedient it will all work itself out. But I have to take action. I cannot sit and wait. I must take all the necessary steps to make it all better.
And I feel confident it will.
But the cold has arrived...and oh, does my body dislike the pain it brings.
Thank God for Advil!
And I thank God that I am at a place in my life where all of this is just okay.
I will get through it.
I know I will.
I think I am going to elect to do the surgery after the holidays. I don't want to add any other stress to a time where I am already stressed out enough:) I keep praying for a miracle, but move forward knowing that if it does not come, i have alternatives.
Funny...
I certainly didn't think this was going to be what I blogged about today. But here I sit. Funkied up thumb and all.
You know what?
It's okay.
That's all i keep hearing.
And I know who it is.
I feel blessed to hear Him speaking to me. What an incredible gift I have been given this morning.
From Him.
Telling me...
It's okay.
And you know what?
It is.
-ws
Yesterday was incredible. Tate has finally gotten into a Pre-K program at a private school we found. We could not be more thrilled as it is a Christian school that will help him to build his foundation around Christ. How awesome is that?
Mike and I decided, after consulting our families, to hold Tate back a year. It has nothing to do with his intelligence, but rather, his maturity level. Because he has been at home with me for so long, we want to ease him into the classroom.
What was interesting when I was considering holding him back, I found that many parents of boys have been moving this direction. It made sense for us because most boys are a bit less mature than girls.
My biggest fear in dealing with Tate's immaturity and him attending school was not only his sensory integration disorder, but, the idea that he would be one of those children that just walked out of the school. The amount of freedom offered just was not something I was comfortable with...because I know my child and I know his boundries.
We prayed about this long and hard.
Then, the answer to prayer came last week when we began the enrollment process. I found out yesterday that Tate and I will have our interview with the Principal today at 1:30! Please pray for us:) We are hoping to have him in on Monday.
Pre-K!
The school goes through 12th grade. Mike and I are hoping to keep him there as long as possible. I like the idea of small classrooms (no more than 15!) and love it that he will have bible classes daily. They make it very fun for the kiddos and it's more like home in that they pray and talk about Christ in the classroom. This is such a good thing for our family! Rock on!
Even better is that he has to wear a uniform...nothing stuffy...a polo style knit and khaki or navy dockers. Know how easy this will make the "picking out of clothes" in the morning!?!? Yahoo.
I did sneak around yesterday on the Black Wagon website. I am in love with these tattoo rain boots for Tate. How adorable are these!?!?!
I think they might look girly though, so I cannot decide if i want to order them or not. I so wish they had the same pair in black instead of blue. But these rock. So glad I do not have a little girl, because I would be flat broke with the amount of adorable things out there for them!
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