So here I sit, basically refreshing myself with the type pad composing thing.
I miss it.
I am glad to be back.
Mostly because i love to sit and translate the never ending thoughts running around my head. Often, the negatives try to creep in...i smother them with laughter.
Because laughter, they say, is the best medicine, right?
Right?
Tell me it is!
Long story short...my hands have suffered devistating blows and the right hand is especially damaged. Make that right ARM/HAND.
I will discuss it at length later this week, but let's just say it has really challenged me creatively.
All those little details that I love to create in collage have slipped thought the cracks...of my hands, that is! However, i am thrilled to have taken up painting these days...i love it. I love the creative outlet . I love that I create them for no one's approval rather than my own...and that feels so good. There is so much more creative freedom for me.
Just because I am limited on what I can do creatively does not mean i will EVER give up on returning to the collage driven little pieces of work...i know that one day I will be able to. It would be way to easy to throw myself a pity party...but what is the fun in that? Instead, I look at this situation as an awesome opportunity to let God show me and lead me to a place where I can learn new things.
For me.
To express myself.
And believe me, I have a lot to say!
I have had tests that they actually stick a needled down into the nerve of the hand, and then SHOCK the NEEDLE to see if my thumb muscle has started it's process of dying.
But those needles will not stop me.
They didn't with my diabetes, why should they with my creativity?
WSD was the run of my life. We saw so much:
The opportunities.
The shams.
The theft of our creations.
The heartfelt emails or notes we would receive on a daily basis.
The encouragement.
The cruelty.
The support.
The Love.
The friendships.
I walk the isles of Wal-Mart and Target and have to snicker when I see something that was so directly a lift of our hard work. The hours we spent hammering out designs, the hours that were taken from our families in an effort to be the "first" to launch a specific idea for designs.
We were approached by a company to have our kits and stamps in Target and on QVC. It did not pan out for reasons unknown to us. We were told they were interested for the Fall. Did not happen.
However, i have noticed kits in Target...and some stamp designs that bare a striking resemblance to our lines. Odd how that works.
Were we frustrated? Did we exchange phone calls? Did we receive them? You bet. But you know what? We just had to walk in faith. We had to trust that where we are today is exactly where we are supposed to be.
We reminded each other that all we did, we did from our creativity, inspired by our own creativity....we know that any artist out there does not ever want to "steal" the designs of others. Is it intentional? Some, yes, has to be. Others? Shrug, with names as big as theirs we would hope it was subconscious.
But come on, what would anyone think?
The scrabooking industry is a beast in itself. It can turn you into a person you never dreamed you would be. A rock star...but....one that stands with very few, who actually know that so many of the things that go on are downright wrong.
The gossip.
The cruel intentions.
The absolute disregard for people on a humane level.
Ever been a target of one of those "two peas" threads? If you have, you know the humiliation and shame that you feel when you read the outright lies written about you. The hilarity is that some will scream for you to show yourself, defend yourself.
Buwahhh haa haa...um, right?
Why throw yourself right in the middle of an
I'm so bored I need to lash out at someone I don't know. I will spew hate and skew their words to work against them. I will return, minute after minute to check and see what I can respond to in an effort to keep the thread goin'...hoping as many people see my words so that I can do my best to destroy the object of my attack. I will send emails to all of my friends to update them of the situation and giggle with them at the expense of another. I will lie, I will continue to lie, and I will act as if this person is the root of all evil in the world.
It makes me so sad for the object of the attack. One minute, they are smiling and on cloud nine about the encouragement and support they have gotten for their work and then **BAM** the talents that landed them a following of friends has just backfired...and the, ahem, others have come to attack...know what? Sometimes, we know who the regular "others" are...it's pretty easy to predict who will be on the bashing threads. Makes me sad for them...ya know, that they are ALWAYS there, always the ones so quick to push another down.
I frankly, got sick of it.
The industry.
The back stabbing.
The never ending lack of appreciation for free supplies sent in an effort to be "published" with four stars beside your product name in a magazine.
Just when did it become about $ and less about the art/family/friendships?
I'm not sure.
But I know this much...it was an industry I just did not feel myself growing as a person as I grew as a business.
It was turning me into a person I did not want to become. I would think, "Should I continue to push my hands way past their limit so that we can go through all that crap again?"...and the answer was a resounding NO.
I love the beautiful friendships I formed. But when you are looking over your shoulder at every turn, you have to ask yourself what is important here? Dignity or Recognition?
What would you choose?
What would make me a better person?
What would inspire me to grown as an artist?
Were we defeated?
No.
We walked away with our integrity.
Our designs?
Well, apparently companies and individuals figured they were up for the taking.
Shrug. What could we do?
So in closing (ha!) let me say this....At the root of all depression, dependence and chaos, the ultimate cause is usually lonlieness (think Britney Spears!)...my Preacher talked about it the other day. When we stand alone...we are cold. When their are two, we are warm.
So the Lord helped guide me. I had to ask myself if it was worth continuing. I chose not to. I chose to step back and grow in faith, instead of being blinded by success. It was not worth it to me.
And I feel like I was validated as I walked the halls of Wal-Mart and Target, starring at designs Sunday and I worked so hard to create. I felt blessed, to stand there, looking at them, and simply choose to not let it bother me in a way it would have if I was still doing WSD.
My relationships have blossomed...because I am surrounded by those that really know me. I walk in faith everyday and make a promise to myself to always remember that I am a teacher to my son. I must know that the most important lessons that I can pass down will be the ones that were the hardest for me to learn.
And I feel certain, that of all the lessons I have learned about myself, this is one of those that I continue to grow from everyday.
And that, my friends, is the rest of the story!
Um, except my hands, which is what got the ball rollin' on my thoughts! I will post about that eventually, but as for now, this just feels right:)
xo
WS
