Oh My Blog!

An Artist's Nightmare..But It IS Okay!

Good (no, wonderful!) morning to you all! Hope it is going to be a great day for each of you!

So, many of you know that I am a big fan of not letting anyone steal your joy.

Which is why I reserve the right to delete rude comments from my blog.

When someone comments I am adding to the (oh yea, i'm quoting here) "Dumbing down of America", and use two aliases, I am going to delete their comments.

If they are unable to leave their real name after making such rude statements, why should I keep the rude (and oh so silly) comment up?

My real name is here...shouldn't someone that states such a thing leave it under their real name? I think so, therefore, I deleted it. Much to the dismay of the poster, who returned with another alias.

It's just silly and someone who (obviously) has a bone with me.

But won't leave their real name.

 

Ironic given the circumstances of my last post.

Lordy, let's move on.

So, I wanted to share something with you and ask for your prayers.

My hands...mainly, my dominant right hand. Please pray for me as I am having some pretty painful issues.

I am currently in physical therapy for some tendon issues. Oringally, and one of the reason i left WSD, was that I had rhemitoid arthritis. I was pretty much diagnosed before my blood work came back. I tested positive for this many years ago, but thought it was a fluke. I brushed it off as I did not have too many issues. I ended up having surgery on both hands, three weeks apart, for carpal tunnel. I thought it was the end of it.

I have had issues ever since. However, this past winter, the pain was beyond anything I had felt. I could feel it in the bones. That's the only way I can describe it.

It was difficult to do anything with my hands. More less, create. I think a nightmare for anyone that is an artist would be to have something effect your dominate hand. So, I laid off.

It kept getting worse and worse, to the point that I think I must have broken at least 50 plates/glasses. I was dropping everything...the grip in my right hand was going fast.

I was sent for some pretty extensive tests to see if my thumb muscle was dying.

Okay, can we just talk about this test?

I cower just writing about it!
The test is called a electromyogram. They took a needle, place it into my hand in various places. Then, they essentially "shock" the needle to measure nerve reactions.

Um, yea.
Ever hand a needle in your hand? SO HURTS.
And I'm diabetic...so I am very much used to needles.

I am seeing a doctor in Austin, who specializes in the hand. He has even treated Willie Nelson, so I feel really comfortable and trust him a lot.

I am in physical therapy for two reasons. One is for my right thumb, of which has Trigger Finger (this website really explains it and has videos. I encourage ALL CRAFTERS/ARTISTS TO LOOK AT THIS SITE...because this condition often effects hobbyists because we use so many repetitive motions). Now, because of the severity of my situation, it looks like I will be moving forward with the surgery.

My last visit at my physical therapist (if you are in Austin or surrounding area, this is THE  MAN! His name is Dr. Bob Moore. INCREDIBLE.) he informed me that I should opt for the surgery at this point. My thumb on my right hand is locked...it does not extend upward anymore.

And it is very, very painful.

My elbow, which has suffered a great deal, we are still working on. I think all the overcompensating I did due to my grip, of which I only have 40% of in my right hand, effected and caused the tendon issues in my elbow.

And it is a hard thing to get rid of as well.

The physical therapy for my elbow is beyond excruciating. On thing...he takes a metal stick, that looks much like a paper scorer, and after applying a gel, he takes the metal stick and moves back and forth quickly on my front upper forearm. Um. Seriously,, the most painful thing.

Ever had something so painful it takes your breath away? Well, this is one of those things. I want to gag just thinking about it.

 

BUT
It is working. Before, it was so painful to even pick up a glass. And, I actually had to get rid of my SUV because i could not get the keys out of the ignition when i turned the car off.

Yes, that bad. But I did get a new car that has the "push key start"... it allows you to fire up your car's   engine without the hassle of key insertion. Seriously, best thing ever. If you have these issues, i highly recommend looking into the "key fob". You get in the car, push in your "key" (of which looks nothing like a key, but more like a keychain) push the brake and push a button to start your car. LOVIN' IT! I just wish it had not come to the point of something being so bad that i could not get my keys out of the ignition.

However, God is good. I know that he is leading me through it all. I know that through this, i am learning and digesting it all.

I have spent many of days crying and asking why and how this could happen. The Lord knows I am an artist and he knows it is my passion.

So how, how could this happen?  My right hand? My right arm?  I need it so desperately.
Why.
Is.
This.
Happening?

I don't believe it comes from him. I just don't. I think He has led me to the absolute best doctors and I thank him with my whole heart for it.

But i need to take better care of myself. I push myself. Too much. I felt the nag of it all during WSD. But i kept pushing.

And pushing.
And pushing.
And pushing.

Until one day, i woke up with a 60% loss of my right hand.
I encourage you all to NOT do what I did.

Do not push the limit on something that could greatly effect you.

The most painful part of all of this is NOT about my artistic restrictions at this point.
It's about Tate.

One night, we were at the beach. Tate was in the bathtub and I was preparing to get him out. The bathtub was old, and to drain it, you had to push one of those bars in. I went to push it and it didn't budge. I knew it wasn't because it was all that difficult, but rather, just difficult for me.

So I asked Tate to push it in.
And he did with all his might.
And he slipped on the spout and went throat first into it.

I was HORRIFIED because I just knew, judging by the force of it, that he was really hurt.
I reached to pick him up ever so quickly.
He was wet.
He was slippery.
And he was heavy.

Too heavy for me.
I did not have the strength to pick him up.

I screamed for Mike, and he came to our rescue.
Tate had actually hit his cheek, thankfully not his throat as I originally thought. Left quite the bruise on him.

But i broke down.
My son needed me and I could not get him out.
The what if's ran over and over all night long.

It crushed me. And i knew at that point, I needed to get all the help I could...because what if Mike had NOT been there?

I shudder to think.
So i just move forward knowing that if I pray, listen and remain obedient it will all work itself out. But I have to take action. I cannot sit and wait. I must take all the necessary steps to make it all better.

And I feel confident it will.
But the cold has arrived...and oh, does my body dislike the pain it brings.

Thank God for Advil!
And I thank God that I am at a place in my  life where all of this is just okay.
I will get through it.
I know I will.

I think I am going to elect to do the surgery after the holidays. I don't want to  add any other stress to a time where I am already stressed out enough:) I keep praying for a miracle, but move forward knowing that if it does not come, i have alternatives.

Funny...
I certainly didn't think this was going to be what I blogged about today. But here I sit. Funkied up thumb and all.
You know what?
It's okay.

That's all i keep hearing.
And I know who it is.

I feel blessed to hear Him speaking to me. What an incredible gift I have been given this morning.
From Him.
Telling me...
It's okay.

And you know what?
It is.

-ws

 

Yesterday was incredible. Tate has finally gotten into a Pre-K program at a private school we found. We could not be more thrilled as it is a Christian school that will help him to build his foundation around Christ. How awesome is that?

Mike and I decided, after consulting our families, to hold Tate back a year. It has nothing to do with his intelligence, but rather, his maturity level. Because he has been at home with me for so long, we want to ease him into the classroom.

What was interesting when I was considering holding him back, I found that many parents of boys have been moving this direction. It made sense for us because most boys are a bit less mature than girls.

My biggest fear in dealing with Tate's immaturity and him attending school was not only his sensory integration disorder, but, the idea that he would be one of those children that just walked out of the school. The amount of freedom offered just was not something I was comfortable with...because I know my child and I know his boundries.

We prayed about this long and hard.

Then, the answer to prayer came last week when we began the enrollment process. I found out yesterday that Tate and I will have our interview with the Principal today at 1:30! Please pray for us:) We are hoping to have him in on Monday.

Pre-K!

The school goes through 12th grade. Mike and I are hoping to keep him there as long as possible. I like the idea of small classrooms (no more than 15!) and love it that he will have bible classes daily. They make it very fun for the kiddos and it's more like home in that they pray and talk about Christ in the classroom. This is such a good thing for our family! Rock on!

Even better is that he has to wear a uniform...nothing stuffy...a polo style knit and khaki or navy dockers. Know how easy this will make the "picking out of clothes" in the  morning!?!? Yahoo.

I did sneak around yesterday on the Black Wagon website. I am in love with these tattoo rain boots for Tate. How adorable are these!?!?!

I think they might look girly though, so I cannot decide if i want to order them or not. I so wish they had the same pair in black instead of  blue. But these rock. So glad I do not have a little girl, because I would be flat broke with the amount of adorable things out there for them!

Walter, Bacon & Eggs...and Yea, I believe it IS Crooked.

 My response to my blog/drama from yesterday follows my tales of a fabulous day...the day was so much more important...which is why it gets first billing. I will tell you this though...the follow up might be a tough pill for some to swallow...meaning I saw some things that might ruffle a few feathers. It is not my  intent, but it is inevitable. I don't want to hurt anyone out there, but I do want to validate those that think the industry is..well, not so on the up and up. They are MY opinions and MY experience. I hope it helps anyone seeking more knowledge for whatever reasons, hopefully for the sake of realize you are NOT alone in your thoughts and you are NOT insane. You are most likely, very accurate in your assumptions. But, who will ever really know?  Not me! Cause I am SO done with it:)

Now, i get to create JUST TO CREATE...and i love it.

Tate and I hammed it up and i got a couple of pics of it all. He's so growing up...sniff. He asked me if something was wrong when he came downstairs yesterday. It was funny, because after my morning post, I  just knew that no, something was actually oh so right!

I could not wait to start the rest of my day with him.

I  must say, his passion for art is coming on strong...he "doodles" on a dry erase board in the car.

Yesterday, he drew a new one. Frankenstein. Oh yea, complete with scars on Frank's face and all. I was ever so proud.

He furthered his display of creativity with the placing of his Halloween pumpkin as a mask for his face. I found it hilarious. I am glad I snapped a few off of his silly behavior. I have no idea where he gets it.

So, anyway...we went shopping...and i found some on the most awesome things. I have to share with yall.

So My favorite thing we picked up was Do You Doodle? Although it was in the kiddos section, and although I said I was getting it for Tate, somehow it has (thankfully) made it's way into my little creative nook of the house.

Seriously, the coolest coloring book ever.

It will push your creativity...even though it says ages 4-8...it's for ALL ages. I mean, how often do you run across an image of an arm in a coloring book with the header, "Draw me a tattoo"...

Endless fun.  Endless creativity by yourself or  someone else. It's almost like you want to call dibs on some of the pictures because you don't want someone to beat you to it.  This book is a must.  Check out the site of the artist/author Nikalas Catlow, where he also has some inside the book samples!

I know, the bandages are ever so silly. But they cracked me up. Tate and I often refer to "us" as bacon and eggs...so we both cracked up when we saw them.

Rats. No cuts, no specific need for them, other than they were just too unique to pass up.

Bacon and Eggs Bandages.
Seriously.

Next up, Hairy Gary. Mindless entertainment at it's finest, and I love it. I remember these type things from back in the day...when I was little...holy crap we LOVED these things...move the magnetic metal shavings to restore lost hair on the man...or make up your own hair-doos. Hysterical. Tate thought he would love it..but after a couple of times, he was so over it. Snag. All mine.

And for the grand finale...the end of, ahem, all ends to our shoppin', we purchased the lovable, famous, always hero of the moment WALTER DOLL! Not just ANY Walter...but Walter the Farting Dog. Let me tell you, the Walter the Farting Dog books by William Kotzwinkle and Glenn Murray are hysterical.

Seriously. Hysterical. If you do not have any of them, do yourself and your family a huge favor and pick one up.

So back to the Walter the Farting Dog plush Tate found. Here's the funny thing...when you squeeze him, he, ah, farts.

Yes, farts.
So Tate hands it to me and we are dying laughing and move on with me holding Walter to ensure he makes his way to the check out line with us. Well, I kept seeing more and more cool things and kept bending down with Walter in my hand.

Bad idea.

Everytime I did this bending down with Walter in tow, it would put pressure on his little sound thing. Ya know, the FARTING ONE.

So I kept dying of embarrassment and saying, ever so loudly, "That was Walter".

I know people thought it was me.

The horror. This one lady did not even crack a smile...because I know she thought I had ripped one right there on the floor of the kids section.

So i felt SO DUMB when I was like, "That was Walter"...assuming she had seen the Walter dolls.

Guess not.

Cause she shot a look and turned away as if to say, "You so just farted and are trying to blame a stuffed dog."

I am STILL laughing about it.

So, before I go into the drama side of my post, I thought I would give you a giggle and tell you that I did have an amazing day. It was really, really an opportunity to remind myself why I stepped out and away for so long. Simply put, I needed it. The bacon & eggs band aids and farting dogs bring so much more to my life than a company ever could for me. It's just the way I am.

----now, as for the drama-----

I want to address a few things:)

So I went off a bit yesterday.

Just to clarify...and then...i will be moving on from it all.

Okay, clarity begins.
Linda was correct (emailing you!!!) in her comments to Jennifer ( i think? ) when she said that I was basically pointing out those who are so worked up about the HOF issues.

But...
I was also referring to the never ending drama where one person is hunted for prey.

I have been hunted. And I have seen others go through the mud as well. It really is such a silly thing...but, i was pointing out that it is usually the same group of people on the slug fest...and some of them won't even do it under their real names. Why?

Um.
Let's just say I know for a fact why one of them doesn't.

I should  not even throw that out there, except to warn each and every one of you that you just NEVER KNOW who is out there...and that sometimes, the people you least suspect of ugliness...the ones  you look up to the most could be the same person that takes delight in tearing down anyone that poses a threat to their royal crown.

I will say that Jennifer had a good point...i was not "looking at it as the regular scrapbooker" when I stated my thoughts.

Rather, I was coming from the standpoint of someone that has been in the industry and knows a small bit of the absolute truth to what people are now beginning to figure out. The industry, I believe, is crooked. It's loaded with people that have no clue what decency is.

Honestly.
There is a leading website.
With a leading design team.

And it's been that way for how long? And...if you happen to, albeit not knowingly, step on the toes of anyone related to it you will have a big marker on your head.

Can I prove it? Um, no.
But, I can tell you from experience that it appears that way to me on many levels.

But they go forward.
And we should too.

I do not buy products from the sites that, in my opinion, act as if they are doing us some huge favor by allowing us to visit and shop for their products.

I do not buy products from companies that have so obviously ripped off ideas from others.

You just kinda remember the first place you see something hit. If it hits a second time from another company, I feel insulted for the artist that came up with the idea in the first place.

Be original people.
Even in the naming of their product lines they will reference a word that was created by the mind of the original designer.

Knowing that the original designer knows them...and even in some instances, "knew" them via emails and/or phone calls.

I was in no  way supporting CK. Matter of fact, I swore off their magazine three years ago.  Why? Because a digital layout of mine was picked up by them. When contacted, I was treated very poorly. Once again, it went back to that feeling that they were doing me a favor. The woman pointed out all my incorrect spellings, in a way that a child feels when a teacher has shamed them in the class.

One of my biggest regrets in all my years in the field, was that I corrected that layout and sent it back to them.

Know what? Never again.
I laugh now because anyone that knows me, knows I cannot spell worth a flip. I refuse to stop in the middle of a heartfelt journaling or blogging only to "check" to see if I have spelled a word right. I figure, it's not worth losing the train of thought. Because I am not blogging to show my language skills...I am blogging to be real.

Misspellings and all.
Now, i understand why she wanted them corrected. But I cannot for the life of me realize why changing my son's layout for the sake of CK was okay with me. It just is not about that crap to me.

Honestly.
It's not.
If it was about fame, notoriety, supplies, "celeb" status, I would have continued on with WSD. Consumers were NOT our problem. They were an absolute delight as a matter of fact.

But what made me change by tune (in addition to all the hand issues) was that we were busting our butts to be FIRST with our designs...thinking that a larger company would pick them up. We thought they did. We thought we would be in Target and QVC. That was such a high.

But then it dawned on us.
They didn't need us.
None of the large companies needed us.
Were they inspired by our designs?
That's a decision for you to make.
Me?
I feel confident they were.

So the point is, the crap that is going on in the industry is NOT shocking to me AT ALL. It's something I knew from the day I was the first Digital Company on the scene at GASC. A woman came over from a large company, saying, and yes, this is a quote, "I was told to come see what you are doing and how you are doing it."

It was not because they were supporting us, let's just put it that way.
And the magazines, boy, did they come calling. The digital era was rising. We were floored. I launched anklebiter designs and was contacted by some of the biggest players in the industry where i so willingly spilled the beans about our plans... Naively thinking that this was going to be the ride of a lifetime.

And it was...still is...but not for us.

So, to say that we disappeared for obvious reasons is certainly understandable.
Then the stamps/WSD was equally successful years later.

And the same issues arose again.

Spill.
Wow.
Spill, Wendi Spill.

Perhaps more later, but I wanted to back up and state how/why i want it known that i was not in any way defending an industry that has let so many down.

And I certainly don't want to be a part of it.

Do I think things will change? My honest opinion? No. Again, in my opinion, the system is working, being followed and led by the same groups...and did you ever happen to notice that it is the same groups just about everywhere you turn in the scrapbooking industry? The people the groups endorse or befriend are usually the ones that end up a part of it all.

People might think I am crazy for assuming this. I don't mind. I usually hold back and don't want to hurt anyone...but you know what? I'm sick of seeing others get hurt. Others that think they are really onto something only to have something taken from them...and with a smile...because the wall of protection around them is so strong...the support is so strong...that no one dared say something, gasp, that could
  I see it as a sad state of where the industry is going. Because no matter what the talent, what the product or what the rules...the leaders are the same. They have always been the same (at least the past five years.)

I believe that the people/owners that hold the top spots, hold the reins.

The place is solidified and defined by those that feel they must please the "leaders" for the sake of selling their products. I'd much rather close my doors and walk away with my integrity than play the games that are the polar opposite of what this industry SHOULD be about. I refuse to swallow my dignity for the sake of selling or buying a product. Period.

I will not ever compromise my moral integrity for the sake of fame, recognition or for my products landing on the isles of a big box store. My dignity means far too much to me..and I want to walk the way He wants me to...not the way the "leaders"of the scrapbook industry want me to. 

I don't need the industry or the leaders to define me. I refuse to kiss the butt of those in the power positions. Perior.  And how sad for the many, many people in this industry that are willing to make that sacrifice.

I applaud you all that are taking a stand.

I hope it will change.

I am so over all of this for now because it is just a shame.
And shame on the ones that made it this way.

-ws

Insert Carnival Music Here. Loop.

Yea, cause that is what it feels like.

A big, crowded, dirty, smelly carnival.

You know the type.

Loud.
Hectic.
Seemed like a good idea at the time kind of fun.

So this morning, I decided I want to stay home.
Not attend the carnival.
Stay clean.
Stay peaceful.
Stay true to who I am.

My mom and i were talking last night about my situation. We both laughed knowing i don't have it in me to "out" people. I just don't. I could type the names a million times yet never publish the truth.

As bad as I want to, something keeps me from it.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the let, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; Walk in it." -Isaiah 30:21

Yea, i feel pretty confident that the verse above is what keeps me from it.

Here's the thing. I had no idea some big "scandal" was happening with the Hall of Fame contest. Quite frankly, I think it is actually a pretty silly deal.

Let me clarify.
No, I don't take anything away from those that entered the contest and are really upset. But what about the people that didn't even enter the contest and are enraged...ranting...devoting such enormous portions of their days to being angry about it?

Come on, really.
I see people saying, "She Cheated!" I feel so strange...like, embarrassed for them because it sounds so silly...juvenile. Cheating? That's a little harsh given the circumstances and situation at hand.

When i read a "She Cheated!" post i don't even glance over at the poster's user name.

Why?
Because I don't even want to know who said it due to the fact that it just might be someone I respected before.

Look, I do not know the HOF winners...I've been out of the loop for so long, and quite frankly, I usually know people by their user names and not their real names. However, I know Kristina Contes now. I have looked at her amazing work. She is incredibly talented. I even found  my way over to her blog. Gasp, people were saying, "her language is horrible."....couldn't help but wonder if these were the same people saying "Right On!" to Donna Downey's post exclaiming, "SHIT!"....I love Donna think she is amazingly talented...and oh so real. Isn't that why we adore her? She's real.

Just as Kristina Contes was being in her recent post regarding the HOF contest.

So in the disqualification, the photo was the issue?
Who is really to blame for it?
I would be willing to bet this has happened a number of times. I would also be willing to bet that rules have been violated in the past, most likely by an adored artist that entered. Did people dare not say anything then? If  not, why? If so, why? Isn't this really about something else all together for those that are making this SUCH AN UGLY DEAL?
In the grand scheme of things, who really cares? Who devoted such a large portion of their lives on being angry about it? Is it time that could have been better well spent?
Why become so engulfed in something that really has no real effect on our lives?

Is it for some people, you know the ones, an opportunity to rip on someone talented?

I think so.
Too often, the really talented artists will be ripped to shreds. When it starts, it is as if the angry beasts jump out of their bushes and attack their prey. The have silently stalked them, having no ability to look away from their beautiful work. They cannot look away from the pages of compliments that their prey has received. The prey...the enemy...for what? Talent? The moment the first hunter jumps out, the pack is on it like they have never eaten before.

The head that hangs low now lifts in justification: Aha! It was not just me! The "leader" has attacked and now we must destroy.

Attack.
Bite.
Pull.
Make it Hurt.
Make 'em bleed with regret that they ever stepped foot in front of us.
Shred.
Humiliate.
And finally, sit back in the "sun" and let it all digest.
While the broken prey wonders if they will ever recover.

But they rise.
And the pack?
They cannot believe their eyes.
How?
How can they rise again?
How can they be so brave as to show us their strength?

The prey knows.
The pack is weak.
That is why they travel in a pack.
For without each other...
they stand alone.

Cowards.
Silent.
Resentful.
Wishing they had what the prey has...

Talent.
Strength.
Dignity.
Integrity.
For the prey? They are true to themselves.
They do not need a pack.

And the hunters?
I pray that one day they will know the pride that comes from strength.
For with it, you can stand alone.

You can experience joys you never imagined.
You can lift people up...vs. tearing them down...and realize how much more comes from it.
You can surround yourself with good...and fewer your friends may be, but your life will overflow with meaning.

Understanding.
Kindness.
Faith.
Gratitude.

In light of all that is going on in my life and others with regards to the industry, I end this with a final though for those that are being preyed upon as well as for the hunters...

They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil. They are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things....they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them." -Romans 1:29-32

Which "side" will you be on today?
Me?

Well, let's just put it this way...I woke up, ignored my computer, spent my morning making halloween french toast...which was a blast and such a treat for my son. Making him feel extra special in that way feels so good. Seeing the look on his face...the surprise, the happiness...the laughter and the heartfelt, "thank you mommy!" is what life is about.

It is the best place for me to find happiness. Not a contest. Not in outing others for their wrong doings.

It's living this life for the things that are truly important. It's taking in every morsel of self respect, and solidifying yourself as the wonderful mother and friend  you are and can be...if you are willing to shun the drama..and create your own daily destiny.

It's finding the joy in the little things...but the only place they may seem small is for others. Me? I know that a halloween breakfast when it is not halloween is not a little thing to a five year old boy.

I know that soaking in the sunshine might be a little thing to others, but as I sat there today, watching Tate dig for God knows what, I reveled in the beauty of it all....A little boy,, with his dogs...playing. This is life I thought.

This is what truly effects me. This. Not harping on something that is really...well, just not important to me today.

Often i am asked what inspires me. It's never drama. It's never watching someone else's anger. It's not resentments or past hurts.

It's life.
It's realizing one day will to look back, and think...what "little" things do i wish I would have done more often? It's what this morning was about. And I must say, I have never, ever felt so strongly about a lesson...because it came so quietly...and so profoundly.

Life is what we make it.
Life is about choices.
Hard choices.

It's about being hunted.
It's about being the prey that can slowly recover and move forward...onward if you will...into the hope that there is so much more for us than this live.

It's living a life the way we know we should. And teaching our children the same. Who would I want Tate to see me as? The angry blogger that blasts what happened and who did it? Or the person that will rise, quietly walk away with a head held high, because I know the person I am...and where I am going today.

And at the moment.
It's outside.
To revel in the greatness of it all.
Because my choices today...excuse me from turmoil.
The offer me joy.
With my son.
Why would I want choose anything else today?

I don't.
So I am on my way out.

I hope you are too.
-ws