So today has been a little <sigh> one of those days we all have as a parent.
Tate has been home sick. I remember a couple of years ago all he wanted when he was sick was Mama. Today, at 7 years old, all he really wants is some juice and a day filled with cartoons.
Sigh.
I went to pick him up from school yesterday after they called me to do so. I figured the right thing to do was take him the things he usually wants when he is sick. One being SMILES, a precious little monster stuffed animal I made him a couple of years ago and Two, his MR B. Mr. B is a blanket he has had from the day he was born. It's got more rips and tears in it than some have ever seen--but those are warrior badges, truly.
When I showed up at his school, he looked like he felt horrible laying on that Nurse's bed. Broke this mama's heart. He saw Smiles, grabbed and him and said, "Thanks Mom. But could you PLEASE put MR B back in your PURSE!?!?".
Of course I did as I was asked. But my heart sunk. It hit me square between the eyes that I had made a decision for a toddler, not a first grade little boy.
It's a difficult transition for me. My little boy IS growing up. And it breaks my heart but elates me at the same time. Such a contradiction in emotion yet a profound realization in this adventure I call motherhood. On one hand, I want to snatch him up and keep him on my lap for eternity. On the other, I'm thrilled to see what his future holds. As long as he keeps holding on to me.
I often think that when the both of us are in Heaven that the Lord will have a bunch of amazing rooms to choose from. I can just envision Jesus saying,
"What would you like to do Wendi? Rock him in your arms at the tender age of a day old? Head through door #1."
Or,
"Wendi, would you like to watch Tate take his first steps again, just like at your old Round Rock house? Want to scream and yell and laugh just like you did on that day!? Head for door #2."
And it continues.
I believe the Lord has given us moments such as those to really get lost in. To feel a joy that can come from nothing else...only parenthood. I remember reading a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson that said, "Having Children is Like Watching Your Heart Walk Around Outside Your Body." It's true, isn't it?
I choose to believe his growing up does not mean the time that came before it is lost. Rather, I choose to believe there is a place that waits for us all where we get to revisit those moments.
I just know it.
And it is that very hope that gets me through days like the past couple. Days that I feel like my little boy needs me less and less, but there is a fine balance between giving him his independence and also welcoming this new stage of our most wonderful relationship.
But it's hard.
It's heartbreaking.
But not.
It's life.
And I would not trade it for anything in this world. And I am thankful that the Lord chose this remarkable boy for me.
To make my life whole.
Complete.
Beautiful.
And I cannot wait for the day when I get to relive all those moments that feel lost today. Because in my heart I know, they are never lost. They are simply reinvented.
And I thank my Lord for that.
xoxo
ws
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